In Another of My Beginnings
It was about a year before I was conceived in this present body that I stood watch over the forming flesh within the womb of a woman we had chosen to become my birth mother. As I watched this forming globule of flesh I made a profound decision: I would not, no could not, become the partaker of this coat of clay. There was something amiss with its development. Something that would prevent me from accomplishing the goals I had set for myself on this particular journey of becoming. As I withdrew, the cells began to do likewise; the woman’s uterus went into spasm and the lifeless flesh was miscarried. I did not grieve for the lifeless mass of tissue that was to become my temporary home, but I did grieve for the woman and the pain she experienced as she sensed a great loss within herself.
I stayed to my course and patiently waited. This particular man and woman were perfect genetic, emotional, mental and spiritual matches for the path I had chosen to undertake and I waited until that right moment for the fulfillment of the plan to begin anew.
This would be my last planned trip to this particular plane of existence until the time of Mashiach and I new I had a lot to accomplish in the few short years allotted to human beings in a three-dimensional, time-space continuum. Therefore, I did not lose heart. In all my journeys in this reality the one constant that never has changed is the knowledge that HaShem’s creation, in all of its limitless existences, will unfold exactly the way it is suppose to and according to His plan.
Then it happened. In the second week of a certain month a conception took place. I stood guardian over the dividing cells that would become my temporary abode of dust. All went according to plan this time and at the appointed time I began to unlocked the door of my new home and one day later was brought forth, not for the first, but certainly for the last time until the Olam HaBa; a human infant taking another set of steps in my own journey to discovering HaShem and all His glorious mysteries of life and Torah.
This birth isn’t any easier this time. I am fully aware that it is mostly due to my own reluctance to complete it. This is always the hardest part. I keep asking myself, ‘why oh why do I always choose such melodrama to make my grand entrance?’ I don’t recall ever just easing in and I have chosen not to make this one any easier. Whoa! Was that ever rough! If he hits one more railroad track between here and the hospital that little clay pot will drop out before I’ve had the opportunity to fully dive in and make it home. I know some souls like to experience the entire transformation from conception to birth, but this time around I have decided to sit it out, but keep the connection alive and just observe until the final climatic moment. This one has been built to my perfect specs. Yet, I am still reluctant to fully initiate this contract. The one bright spot in all this is once I accomplish the goals I have set for myself this will be my last trip to what I like to call weight world, at least until the glorious coming of Mashiach and the fulfillment of HaShem's promises given to all His creation through Moshe and His prophets.
Oh boy, here we go, final decision time, we’ve arrived. Okay! You can do it, take the plunge. Ahhhh boy! I hate this part.
Bright lights! Cold hands! Ugh! Don’t slap me, I’ll scream for you, just don’t slap me and please put me down on something warm. Oh my, no matter how many times I’ve done this I just can’t get use to the cold and the feeling of being pulled down. This weight on me is incredible. Hopefully I’ll get use to it quicker this time.
Hi Doc! Now there is a familiar soul. How you doing old friend? I know you don’t realize it now Doc but you're one of the reasons I chose now and here for this moment. I wouldn’t trust anybody but you for this delicate procedure my friend, and the next few weeks for us both will be crucial because I’ve built in one of my exit strategies right here in the beginning. I haven’t yet decided if I’m going to take advantage of that option, but if I don’t, then old friend, I’m going to need all your expertise to keep this piece of clay from dissolving away. This little brain is really tired. I’d better let it rest now.
I get the sense that it has been only a few days since my induction but things are already beginning to get a bit foggy. That is the hardest thing to deal with here in the beginning, that losing awareness of true self then spending an entire human existence rediscovering that which is me in a lifetime of circumstances that are new and strange yet somehow familiar. Do I want to go down this road one more time? Exit point on the horizon. Well boy, what’s it going to be? I think I’ll play this one out to its ultimate conclusion. To do so is good for me, good for the creation, and good for Adonai. Anyway, I still have four other exit strategies. The only problem is I won’t be conscious of them as exit points when they occur, except for number five of course. That’s kind of a let down but hey, that’s the contract I wrote. Now that I am here in this body I don’t quite understand why I did it that way. I can know the first exit point since it will occur very quickly after arriving and only will become aware of two through four at some point after they have transpired and passed by unused, or used. At this time I do understand why I will know number five, it will occur about forty days prior to its revelation and simply will make returning home so much easier. Oh well, once I’m back home then I’ll fully understand why I decided to do it this way this time. For now, here we go!
“Doctor, baby Shmu isn’t looking good. He is severely jaundiced.” “I can see that nurse. There is no way I’m going to lose this one. I will not allow his mother to suffer that kind of loss just a year after her miscarriage.”
I was feeling so tired and hot. I don’t know what that nice man did, he sure seems familiar; but I certainly do feel better now. Ah, the best part is lying here real close to this soft and warm person. Her voice is so soft and soothing. Wow! Everything is so big! Look at the size of her face and hands. My whole body fits easily in her two hands, I feel very secure and safe in them.
So begins this particular journey in the life of an eternal spirit who took on the temporary human identity known as Shmuel ben Shlomi. Except for the particulars, it is pretty much the same for all as well. Welcome to humanity. Again!
At the writing of this it has been 72 years since this beginning. Old Doc Thurman, my dear friend, has long ago passed through the veil to the other side, as have many other souls that were so vital to the unfolding of this saga.
They each played a part in the contract I have with myself and HaShem and I, in turn, have fulfilled my part in their own contracts. I can no longer enjoy that wonderful presence in the here and now with the person who had what I thought were such huge hands. Those hands that held me with so much comfort, joy, ease and affection. My mother – Mom, is no longer here and although those hands before her moving on looked a whole lot smaller and more wrinkled, but her heart had enlarged in illumination and spiritual growth. I still miss her physical presence and wisdom in my life, even though I too am now an old man.
And what of me? Have I done my part in fulfilling the plan of Adonai for my life while on this journey of the soul? Well, I'm still currently here on the planet but I did come back for several reasons. As the old adage makes clear, “No man is an island,” therefore, many of the reasons I came back was to interact with other living souls that are housed in dust and on their own life journey. With some we have had things that needed to be worked out in such a way that it could only be accomplished on this plane of existence. With others it was just the pure pleasure of sharing a physical touch, a shed tear or a hearty laugh again in a way that can only be done here on this plane.
However, I did come back to accomplish two specific goals: one deals exclusively with an area of my being that required a major tune-up before I could feel confident enough not to have the need to ever return in an un-resurrected finite clay suit again. That area was religion with a capital R. What is the other goal? Well, that one is just coming into fruition, so maybe I will address it in a future tome.
That having been said I would like to briefly address the importance of goals. Better yet, let me phrase it this way, the ETERNAL importance of Goals.
Those self-help financial and motivational gurus got one thing right. They have latched on to an eternal principle. This principal is actually a Divine Law. The only problem is that they are so limited in their focus to the materialistically narrow aspects of life. Success is not measured in just amassing a financial fortune, climbing some corporate ladder, or grasping onto fleeting fame. Don’t get me wrong; I have nothing against anybody making a fortune. James K. Van Fleet said it best, “Now I know there are other ways of measuring successful achievement. But I also know that a certain amount of financial success is necessary for complete happiness. I have never been convinced that a person can come up with good ideas for successful achievement on an empty stomach. All he can think about is how hungry he is or how hungry or how cold his wife and children are.”
This eternal principle or Law can be summed up in one short sentence; success is the realization of the accomplishment of a set goal or goals. That is why every single soul that is bathed in light chooses to return to a mortal frame. They leave home and are born over and over again to realize the accomplishment of goals set down by HaShem in a binding contract between themselves, other souls and Adonai. That contract we call the Torah. What or where is home? What I mean by home is not some physical space or afterlife destination. It is that experiential place of recognition of the reality of our existence as individualized centers of Adonai sharing His eternal existence and bringing Him glory and exaltation. And, as mortals we can only do that in the here and now.
This series will continue in Part II with the essay “Goal Oriented Creation” - until then, Shalom.